Why Believers Should Not Date Unbelievers
Two weeks ago, I have written to warn all Christian youths about the dangers of the dating practices that are prevalent in our society. It is generally a relationship whereby two unmarried individuals pursue a relationship purely based on their carnal senses. The outcome is flirting and fornication; and most of such relationships do not culminate in marriage either. Christians should not follow this worldly and sensual kind of dating that is so widely accepted as the norm in our society.
Such dating habits in schools and colleges lure many Christian youths into intimate relationships with unbelievers. This is creating a serious spiritual situation in Christian homes and churches. Increasingly, Christian youths become “trapped” in the sticky web of carnal relationships, eventually betraying spiritual truths, holiness and even the Lord Jesus Christ Himself whom they once professed. Tragedy, O utter tragedy! Souls “drugged” and dragged into the darkness of wild, sinful passions!
Dear youths, if I would not tell you about the evil of this unguarded pursuit of the world’s dirty game called “dating”, I am guilty of not doing anything to warn you of its dangers. I, for one, certainly do not want to bear the awful guilt of not telling you of the divine warning against building intimacy with the unbelievers. After reading what I have written to you, if you would still flirt with the worldly ones, then I cannot be held responsible for your choice of the worst for yourself. Please read carefully and take heed to what God’s Word teaches you.
- Christians are commanded not to be in any kind of close relationship with unbelievers:This prohibition is most succinctly expressed in 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”. The imagery used here is of two incompatible animals being put together under the same yoke. They would be such a mismatch; and working together for long is just not possible, as they are of different nature and temperament. It is both unwise conduct and a sin to choose an unbeliever to be a life-partner.
The apostle Paul further exposes the foolishness of such an ‘unequal yoke’ through a series of rhetorical questions: “for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).
There can be no spiritual wholesomeness in a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. No harmony whatsoever, but the worst conflicts of eternal proportions! The disparity and conflict between a Christian and a non-Christian will be just as between light and darkness, between Christ and false gods like Belial. Certainly there will be no blessing of the Lord upon such an unbiblical union.
- Christians will be tarnished and corrupted by such relationships:In 1 Corinthians 15:33, believers are warned, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” The term “evil communications” means the associating with evil or ungodly individuals. You deceive yourself when you choose to cultivate a close relationship with an unbeliever. Self-deception is the worst kind of deception, because you eventually betray yourself.
When you choose an unbeliever, you have deceived yourself to accept the worst choice you could have made. An unbiblical alliance is an unholy alliance. It will prompt you to ungodly conduct. Corruption is a gradual change. Silently but surely, evil communications corrupt good manners. All the good manners that you have learned as a Christian child will eventually be lost.
There is no safety in the company of those who have no fear of God. They have no spiritual and moral principles to abide by. They are openly immoral or unprincipled. Such association is dangerous to a true Christian. To have one who is destitute of faith and holiness to be your trusted friend is to endanger yourself with all sorts of ungodly evils.
- Christians will not have the power and blessings of Christian faith and virtues:A couple’s faith and commitment to Jesus Christ is vital to overcoming challenges and hindrances to a blessed marriage life. Christian husbands are commanded to love their wives like Christ – “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). A man, who has not known the love of Christ, certainly will not know how to love sacrificially, genuinely and purifyingly as Christ loves. A woman, who has not known how to be submissive to Christ, will not know the joy and blessings of submissive conduct.
Mutual prayers and biblical exhortations will not grace their family life. Worshipping and praying together as a family will also not be possible. Christ will not be the head of their home! Without spiritual unity with Christ, there can be no ultimate marital unity, marked by Christlike love, submission and unity. Marital life is not just a sexual union. A proper relationship with God is indescribably more important than sexual intimacy. Though there is physical pleasure and satisfaction in family life, it will not at all be joyful and successful without dependence on and obedience to God. “Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it” (Psalm 127:1). Consider the remarkable description of a godly home in Psalm 128:1-3 – “Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.” Just imagine what you would be really missing, when you choose an ungodly relationship.
- Christians will be without spiritual aid and examples for the nurture of their children:Trying to bring up children in a disobedient relationship, where one of the parents is a non-Christian, is like swimming against a strong current. Without leadership or support of the other parent, it will be very difficult (to say the least) to nurture a child in godly ways. In fact, in such a family environment, there will be constant opposition to wholehearted commitment to the biblical upbringing of the children most of the time. The conflict of faith among the parents will not only be confusing, but also disheartening, to the children.
If you are single, the most obvious thing to do, in the light of the above biblical counsels, is to avoid any intimate companionship with an unbeliever. Do not begin an ungodly relationship with an unbeliever.
If you are dating a non-Christian, you should leave that relationship at once, for the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:17, “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you”.